my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
