We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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