Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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