You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I know her cup size but not her name....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
