My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
