No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
