I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
