There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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