I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
