I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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