she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize