Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
