Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
