yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
