3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
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He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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