Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize