i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
