fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
