Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize