Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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