i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Randomize
