we made out on top of his cat.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
