no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
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I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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