dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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