you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
