if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
