We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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