Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
