dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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