God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
