arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
