guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
