im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
