I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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