what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
