the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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