It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
