im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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