11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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