There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
