mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
