yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
