i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
