But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
