that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
