i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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