weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
