Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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