Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
