You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
