oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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