Pregnant stripper...not hot.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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