she was so not down for the gang bang
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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