Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
