probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
