My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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