cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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