i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
