i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
