Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
