More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize