omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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