I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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