RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We named our party play list daddy issues
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
