3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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