I look better un-naked...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
