I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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