Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize