Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
