took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
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He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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