Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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