best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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