All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
