so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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