at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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