My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
