I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
