a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
