look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
